Calming the Holiday Chaos

I love December – but only because I’ve learned to adjust how I get through it. Some days are joyful. Others are stressful.  Some nights are relaxing. Others are overwhelming. 

Santa’s list is nothing compared to most parents’ to-do lists at this time of year. Disruptions in routine and diet. Too much noise and not enough sleep. Unrealistic expectations and a constant effort to please everyone but ourselves. 

Making the holidays magical is a nearly impossible goal unless caregivers remember the following:

• Grief is real. No matter how happy the holidays are, they still remind us of what they’re not.  And what our children aren’t, too. Recognize and accept this in order to move through it. Gladness and sadness co-exist, especially in December.
• Expectations are adjustable. Changing up family traditions to accommodate special needs is smart, well-deserved, and completely understandable. Modify how you celebrate. Arrive late. Leave early. Doing what works for you doesn’t require an apology.  
• Micro-breaks are effective. Step outside for a moment of fresh air. Find silence amidst the noise. Give yourself and your family member(s) permission to disengage if that’s what they need to engage and celebrate later. We all have a finite supply of energy, which needs careful nurturing during the winter holidays.
• Let others support you in big ways and small. Articulate your feelings and needs to trusted friends and family. Doing so enables them to be more adaptable, understanding, and helpful. Accept the help if you want it, or feel free to take a pass. Keep yourself and your family in the driver’s seat – even if you take the road less traveled.
• Protect your boundaries. And remember that clear is kind. Boundaries aren’t you telling other people what to do. They’re a generous way to inform people of how you’ll behave in certain circumstances. Honoring them is a good example for others and essential self-care, even when it’s hard.
• Prioritize what matters most. Remember that this special time of year is most special when we have enough energy to be patient, loving, and grateful. You may not get to everything on your to-do list, but you’ll accomplish the important things with peace and kindness. Isn’t that what the holidays are all about?