Boiling in the Pot

My dear friend Tanya Yarkoni is a gift to all who meet her. I’m forever grateful for the impact she’s had on my life as a mom, caregiver and coach to families with disability.

Although we live across the world from one another, Tanya and I have spent hours on Zoom and WhatsApp comparing life experiences, brainstorming new ways of being that are more fulfilling and effective, and figuring out how to share what we’ve learned with other people like us. People like you. We share a goal of helping caregivers change long-standing habits that no longer serve them. Habits they’ve developed after years of putting the needs of other’s first. Habits that become unhealthy, unhappy, and unwanted. Because we know what it’s like and what’s not to like about living this way.

Caregivers seem to think that they should know how and be able to do this job, given the tools, the mindset, the background and the support. But why should anyone possibly know how to do this? It’s possibly one of the hardest jobs on the planet. Why would someone think that they’re equipped to do it without being trained?

— TY

Below is an interview Tanya gave recently on how we can be more aware of behaviors that don’t serve us, more compassionate with ourselves, and more accepting of the uncertainty in our lives. It’s not just a bunch of platitudes or empty encouragement to “put yourself first.” Instead, she beautifully articulates why examining these topics matters and how they can help you matter more in your life as a caregiver. Her explanations and examples are easy to understand and apply to our daily lives and really important for everyone to hear — no matter where we are on the caregiving journey. I encourage you to take the time to listen — maybe even while you’re gift-wrapping, cooking dinner, eating something, or taking a well-deserved walk outside. Like all good caregivers, I’m sure you multi-task well.

The harsh reality is that caregiving can sometimes be very lonely. If you’re looking for connection, check out Tanya’s Facebook group or reach out directly to her here. And you can always e-mail me, too.

Together, we can do this.

Very often, we’re not really comfortable talking about this with family and friends because either they’re not comfortable talking with us about it or because we actually would rather talk about something else with them. Often, we don’t even want to talk about this with them. We’d like to live our other lives with those people.

— TY

 

Look what I found.

Has anyone ever heard of Yohana? According to the company’s website, “It’s like having personal assistants who’ll take care of your to-dos, big or small.” Even to-do’s related to individuals with special needs. Learn more here and leave a comment if you try it out. Perhaps Santa should know about this!

As parents, we tend to hold on to a false narrative that we should feel guilty to ask for help, to delegate, and to create more time for ourselves. Somehow, we've been convinced these are selfish actions that make us a lesser-than parent. But the truth is, to support our families and to be there for everyone around us, we need to start with ourselves. — Parents Magazine

A few more shopping suggestions.

I love when readers share recommendations and responses to this newsletter, this time suggesting more holiday shopping ideas that support organizations serving people with disabilities: Popcorn for the People and Eytan Art.

And here’s some interesting news on why giving money to help others makes us happy. Use this great resource to help direct your donations in the most impactful ways.